craving: to hug her and not let her go
When you become a parent, life changes in ways you can't imagine. Why weren't they born with instructions? Fifteen years ago, the love of my life was born. I forgive her for those extra eighty-pounds I gained. In fact every bit was worth it, it's just the working out after that killed me.
Last night after I changed my son, I asked my daughter to wash his little bum. She did, and what I did after that, I won't forgive myself and ask God to forgive me. All the sudden, I heard my son screaming in the bathroom, I felt like I was running in slow motion. There was smoke, I panicked and screamed at my daughter, "What the hell are you doing? You're burning him!!!" The way I yelled was a way I have never yelled before. It was shocking and made her break into tears immediately and just look at me as if she was in a daze. I was in shock to find out that smoke (which I thought it was the steam to the HOT water) was Bukhoor burning in her bathroom. So, if you're running to the bathroom and see smoke, you think, "Oh crap, the water is boiling and it burned the baby." As she was crying in shock, she told me, "Mom, he was screaming because I wouldn't give him the shower head." I was at lost for words, I felt like crap. I wanted to crawl in a hole and just stay there. She ran in her room and I continued to bathe him. I was in shock at how I yelled at her and my mind was racing with things I needed to tell her and wanted to make amends with her, but didn't know how. I wanted her to settle down and wait to go in there to tell her I'm sorry. The rest of my evening was ruined.
Later on before I went to bed, I opened her door (she was sleeping). I sat on the edge of her bed and ask her to please forgive me. I caressed her hair as my heart was beating twenty to nothing and inside I was dying, hoping she would forgive me. She did...isn't that what all teens do? If not, tell me who doesn't? They just wanna be accepted by their mom and dad and only ask for unconditional love and support. Is that asking to much? I know some of y'all will say, "Don't be so hard on yourself." But, y'all don't understand. Obviously if I feel this way about how I yelled at her, something isn't right. I pray it doesn't happen again. What broke my heart even more, after I gave my son a bath, he ran to her room and hugged her, where she was sitting on her floor, up against her bed crying. He was honestly concerned for her. He'll be two in March. It's amazing how the bond with siblings start at such a young age. They are exactly fourteen years and one day apart.
I know as mothers we're just human. But, I can have a pity party for myself. Can't I? All I can say is if you have a teen in your home, or kids, go and hug them. Tell them that you appreciate everything they do or tell the little ones that even if that day they made you crazy and wanna go in the car and drive far away, you would never have it any other way. You love them. I try damn hard to do my best with her. I really hope I have succeeded and will keep on raising her to the best of my ability. I pray that one day she'll understand the stresses - joy - happiness, of raising kids. She doesn't understand now. One day she will (God's willing) be blessed with little ones. God help her and help all those out there.
Now.. this is to my beautiful amazing daughter...
Salam Alikom (peace be with you) my love.
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
^ (lyrics from a Debbie Boone song).
I'm being a little cheesy to make you laugh, but it's so true.
Ok, here it goes. Since I was pregnant with you, my love, you had the ability to take my breath away. Through the years you have simply amazed me. Your laugh, smile and your words, always made me happier if i was having a bad day. You really know how to make a person smile and feel special. You're beautiful, inside and out, funny, smart and so freaking loving it's crazy. I'm you're love, mama. Don't you agree? I wanna just grab you at times and hold you and never let go. I can't imagine my life without you. We have tons of silly moments together. You're the princess of silly, because we all know I'm the Queen. How could I not love you?
Dancing in the kitchen while preparing our meals and singing together while driving in the car. Shopping until our feet feel like their gonna fall off. We're an awesome mom and daughter team, aren't we? You're always the life of the party. You're always so helpful when we have gatherings, when most teens would be in their own world. Not you, baby girl, you're always there to lend a helping hand or two. Helping me out and making sure all the guests are always very comfortable. You're the daughter so many long for. You're the daughter I will always love and cherish and adore. Never change for anyone. Always be yourself.
You're da bomb.....
I love you with all my heart and my soul..
Parenting is a hard job.
I wanna take a moment to thank my mom. She passed away many years ago.
Thank you, Mom, for always being there for me and loving me unconditionally. I miss our crazy times together, miss our movie nights with pizza and tons of junk food. I miss us singing in the car together and laughing so hard we cry. I miss the talks we used to have and the dancing in your kitchen. I miss your tight hugs and kisses. I miss you chasing me with your shoe, because I did something wrong. And at the end of the chase we would fall on the floor laughing so hard, with our legs up in the air holding our tummy's. I miss you and I miss your voice, your love and your smell.
Mom 1941-1996:- You will always be loved and missed.
final whisper: Will you forgive me? I love you so much, it hurts. Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile.