Saturday, June 4, 2011

Not without my son

mood: always happy
craving: to be left alone and stop being harassed

Salam Alykom and Hola to all my followers .. I hope everyone is having a great weekend. So far the kids and I have had a nice weekend. On to my entry. :)

I guess a lot of you are wondering, why is TEXAN back in TEXAS? Well, it all started last year. I hadn't been back to the States in almost ten years. When we started having problems in the beginning of last year, my son's father suggested my daughter and I come back to visit. I said, "My daughter and I only? No way! I'm not going without my son." He argued with me on that and said I was not to take his son out of UAE without him, his father. I still didn't agree, and thank God my all my in laws were on my side. He told me he would come with my son during our month of Ramadan to pick my daughter and I up. Well, when the news hit his parents, hell hit the fan. His father was very much against it and said, "This is your son;s mom and he will go with her." Basically saying, what's wrong with you. My father in law made sure that my son's father got a passport to the States and off we went. That first week away from UAE, I was honestly hopeful that everything would work out between my husband and I. I trusted him and believed him, even after he was so bad to me. My heart was broken and my mind wasn't as alert as it was before.

They always warned me; They change when they move back to their country. Not all, of course. I know some sisters who have wonderful ARAB husbands. But, it's different. Yeah, they weren't joking when they said this. It's like he turned into a different person. Here I was: I gave up my family and my country to go with a man I loved and adored. If you were to ask me... if I would do it over again. I would because I have grown from these experiences, experiences that a lot of people don't get.  I was treated like well until the last year and that's what broke us.  I won't say what he has done to me, I feel this is between us and it's something big or I would never be back here in TEXAS. My close friends and family know about it. But, I will not reveal it to anyone else, now.

Ok, sorry I got off track. Well, it's been almost a year since seeing him and I tried to go on with my life.  These last couple of months have been getting better.. I started to realize that I will not go back. In this year, I can count on one of my hands how many times my son's father had called. And the money- well let's just say he's sent money only a couple of times. Sad but true. If he wanted us to work out he wouldn't have waited a year to come to Texas to get my kids and I. He showed up on my door step on Sunday without any notice and wanted us back. I knew it wasn't me he wanted back, it was his son he wanted back. But, since it's such a shame for 'ARABS' to divorce, he would of stayed without the love.

Divorce is something very big in our religion and very much disliked by God. However, in cases like mine and many others, we have no choice. I can't ever be in a marriage where the respect is gone. Never. He is here in Texas now and we are battling this out in court. My first court date is soon and we are praying that the judge is in favor for me. My son has been with me, his mother, for his 3 yrs of life. In our religion, the kids stay with the mom for the first 7 yrs if the parents get divorced. This is the shariah law in our religion. If I went back to UAE, my son would automatically stay with me. Plus I would get all the benefits I do deserve,  Islamically.  If I remarried, he would go to his father. If his father is remarried, he goes to the grandparents. So, that's not the case with us. I won't go back to his country. Period. Now my husband is fighting for custody to take our son away from me and get him back to UAE.

I got my lawyer and will fight for my son. Please pray for me and know that in Islam, the kids stay with the mom (unless she is unfit). Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a good mother- my kids are my life... Money means nothing to me. He can tell me to go back to UAE and tell me that I can get anything I want, like, I used to get, and more. But if that was what I wanted, I would be back there living a miserable life, like that last year I lived. Money is nice, but it can't buy happiness.. No way, no how. I live a humble life now and truly know that happiness isn't all about money. I have diginity and will raise my kids this way too.

A man came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father."
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 2

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr narrated that a woman came to the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam and said: O Messenger of Allah, my womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said to her: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” [Ahmad & Abu Dawood; classed as hasan by al-Albaani]

I will not let my sons father raise him intolerant to non-Muslims or to Americans. That's just what he wants to do. Raise him to hate America and to hate non-Muslims. This is not Islam. We have enough hate in the world. My kids will never be raised this way by me.

bottom line is... When you marry a man of a different culture, it's very hard and I now know to stick to my fellow Americans. :) So, think long and hard about marrying someone of a different culture. Be it, French, German or Indian. Not just Arabs

BTW: look out for my book... :) coming soon. 

final whisper: thanks to all my friends (sisters in Islam) and family & childhood friends for being right beside me in this time in my life. I love y'all. Ameen to all the prayers.


sweetlikechocolate said...

Its not fair that he just turns up like this after a year with hardly any contact.
Sure he is the father and i can feel he may be sad that he doesn't have his son but he shouldnt have let you all go in the first place.

I pray this is resolved in a way that is least harmful to you all. Unfortunately in such situations it can get so nasty :(
Remember dua is the weapon of a believer and Allah will never abandon you

Susanne said...

I'm so sorry for your current struggle, but I am encouraged by your outlook. I have high hopes that the judge will rule in your favor. May the best be done for your little boy. Love and prayers to you!

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sis. I'll be honest, I was a bit curious (sorry) about what happened but would never have asked. I know from personal experience how hard inter-cultural marriages are. Subhanallah. Not even always the big things, just little things that can make big divides.

I pray Allah swt protects you and little Azooz. I also pray he changes your husband's heart, for the betterment of his soul.

Stay strong; I am sure it will be a fight but as you know, so worth it. :-)

Love you fi sabilillah...

Texan, after UAE said...

Thanks girls. Y'alls never ending support and love mean a lot to me. I have faith in Allah and that's what counts at the end. Money has no power. My faith in Allah is stronger than any money in the world. ameen to your duas (prayers)

oldie goldie said...

you know what i think sis! you and the kids are always in my duas! love ya! ♥

.::Tuttie::. said...

May Allah swt put all of your affairs in order and in your favor. AMEEN!

I am sorry to hear this but I think you have a good case with him not making contact that often and with the little money he has provided. Alhamdulillah you and your in laws insisted or I cringe to think of the heartbreak.

Faisal Haji said...

Praying for you, I was just discussing this with some of my friends, some people forget what islam is all about. Its about love not hatred. Another reason why I debate not to discipline children by implementing fear of Allah's punishment in their minds, instead tell them about all the joy that is there waiting for the good ones.

Also, the Non-muslim hatred is not Islamically correct since it is mentioned in quran that no one is forced to be a muslim and should they stay with their beliefs, then all there rights should be maintained. All what muslims need to do is give advice and that's ALL. Never force someone in Islam.

Hating America is a big thing, I was raised not to hate and not to attribute someone's behaviour to its relatives. In this case, the Government of the USA (being someone) and the people of the USA (being the relatives). So, if you don't agree with the policies of the USA, don't teach your kids to hate Americans. There are far many americans who are honest, kinds and thoughtful. I know that for a fact because two of my uncles are married to American women, such wonderful women.

Sorry for getting side tracked, but this brings me to a full emotional blast.

May Allah grant you your request and aid you in your journey.

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

Allow me to say that this entry was courageous of u, it was indeed.

I try to put myself in others` shoes before passing a judgment; he is clearly missing his family atmosphere , his son mostly. But also it is clear to me that he`s not fighting for a true genuine reunion, otherwise why heading to courts so soon! I hope and pray things will be in the best for everybody involved but that is wishful thinking as some parties must make compromises, willingly or by law!

EnshaAllah u will keep your son :)

awaiting your book :)

Melissa said...

Praying for you and your kiddos! InshaAllah you will never ever be separated from your son or your daughter. Love you girl!

Amina said...

I'm very sorry, Aunty. I can't imagine how hard last year was for you and this year. I know you've been trying your best to cope and to stay positive. You're always taking care of those around you and making everyone happy. I wish I could do something for you.

Your son deserves to be with you. May Allah keep him safe and keep y'all all safe.

Big hugs to you, Amber and Azooz.

UmmKhaled said...

Sorry to read about this Texan...I hope he is the one going home empty is sad that will probably be the case but in UAE you would get trapped, whereas in USA he can come and go as he pleases...but if in his favour everyone would be InshaAllah it is in your favor!...

RABIN said...

sorry to read all that is happening - I hope that you and your child stay together - when it comes to a child - the love of a child is unstoppable - I am very sure you will win.

Texan, after UAE said...

A great big thanks to all. Ameen to everyone prayers. Welcome new comers..

Faisal, you made some great points.Haitham, unfortunately, it had to come to this. We both love our son, but I truly believe the kids should stay with the mom (if she's fit) , i mean, that's all he knows. I'm sure there are a lot of 'fit' dads out there. But, in this case, i'm a fit mom and my kids are my life. ya RAB! i keep him.

Rabin, welcome to my blog. Thanks for the comforting words.

(((((Um Khaled))))) I love you and thanks.

Amina , hayaty. You're words are sweet. ameen <3

Melissa, thanks sweetie. (((hugs)))) love you.

Tuttie ((((sis)))) thanks.. ameen to your duas...

sweetlikechocolate , (((thanks))) and many hugs... <3

Susanne, Your words are of comfort to me. I pray that too. (((hugs))) thanks...

Umm Aaminah , thanks sis..(((hugs))) no need to be sorry for being curious. :) That's how I found, Islam. I was simply very curious... :) :) :) ameen to your duas....

ameen to your duas....

tiina, I love you and you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers... (((Hugs))))

that's me said...

Salam texan

So sad to hear this, insh'allah you will keep your son, I think you have good chance to win the custody, unfortunatelly the kids are who has the worst part in all this, I don't know the situation good but I think a bit more of talk , a honest talk will help more than a court. you are proving him that you can live without him, and you don't care for all the money or good life he can give you, that hurt for sure his feelings, provably he is sure he will not makes you back but he want his son, but I feel the love is still there, allah who know best,I will tell you my husband's cousin, get divorced and the same day after 1/2 hour, he back his wife, you don imagine all the troubles between the families but in the end a "Last talk" makes them back, so insh'allah Allah will resolve this as he does, the best way for all, kisses & hugs!

Anonymous said...

I am reading your words and you're already in my prayers. I can only imagine what you've been through and the tough time you will live around the court and the judgement.
May God support you and keep you, your daughter and your son all together always.
Keep your faith alive, it will help you be strong. Thinking of you and the children.
Take Care

betoul said...

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

Im so sorry to hear of your situation (although I am new to your blog and I have never commented before)I hope and pray InchaAllah only good will come of this and Inchaallah you will be rewarded for your struggles ameen.

Continue to make Dua3 and may Allah swt make this easy for you. MachaAllah tabarakAllah, from what I have read from your previous entries, your whole life revolves around your children, InchaAllah the court will see this aswell.

Stay strong and I will continue to make dua3 for you and your family, may Allah swt bless you and keep you strong in Iman and good health ammeen.


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